Four Years Ago Today, My Life Changed Forever

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. - unknown

Four years ago today , Monday, October 8, 2018, my new life began.  It began around five o'clock  in the evening in the coaches parking lot up at College Park High School in The Woodlands, Texas.

The day started like any other.  I was up early to head to the school in order to pick up the shuttle bus for the swim team. From there, I drove to the pool for practice, back to the school for a full day of teaching class, and then back to the pool for another practice.

After the afternoon practice, I headed back to the school to make sure I had everything ready to go for the next day at school. During my preparations, the power point I was using crashed.  Feeling angry and frustrated, thought, "screw it," and headed out.

As I walked out the back doors of the school, I was greeted by a typical south Texas afternoon deluge.  I stood under cover waiting for a break in the weather, but when that didn't happen, once again, "screw it," came to mind, and across the parking lot I went , jamming my thumb on the unlock button of my key fob.  I threw my back pack in the back, jumped into my truck, wiped the rain from my face, and took a deep cleansing breath.  At that moment, I was startled by the strains of "Texas Fight", blaring from my phone.  I fumbled through my pocket to get out my phone, saw it was my ex-wife, and almost let it go to voice mail, and if I had been driving, or had started the engine, perhaps I would have.

When I answered with a tired and semi-annoyed "Hello," All I heard was "David, you need to talk to this officer."  The phone was handed off , and an official voice came on and told me that "Peyton James has hung himself."  At that point, my life changed forever. My 13 year old son had attempted to take his life.

I sat in my truck with tears and snot running down my face, I screamed and yelled until my throat was raw, my cries drowning out the rain drumming on the roof.  I was able to get myself together long enough to call my wife.  We drove through the night to Dell Children's Medical Center in Austin to be by Peyton's side.  We were able to say good bye before he succumbed to his injuries.

Now I sit here, wishing to God I was still the same person I was, wishing Peyton was still here with us, wishing that I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay for college.  But now I'm a different person than I was four years ago.  Instead of wondering how my sweet baby boy became a senior in high school, I am left to wonder when I will get to see him again.  Instead of worrying about him driving, I worry that his sister Emmy will never really know what an incredible kid brother she had.  All I have left are memories and pictures that I share with her so that she never forgets.

So today, as I head out the door to work, I will not treat it like just another day.  A part of me will not pay attention during inservice because I will be trying hard not to dwell on that day four years ago.  I will hold back the tears until I walk out of the building to the coaches parking lot.  I will probably sit in my car and let the tears and snot stream down my face.  I'll give myself time to grieve and compose myself before I head home.  When I get home, I'll hold Emmy tight and tell her about how special Peyton was.