Happy Rebirthday!!!

After my son's death, his mother and I made the decision to donate his oragns and corneas.  We wanted something positive to come out of his tragic death. Every year, on the anniversary of his passing, I write letters to his recipients, most of whom are unknown to me.  

Dear Recipient,

I hope this letter finds you well and thriving.  I know October 13/14 will mark the four year anniversary of your transplant.  Those days are forever etched in my mind for two reasons.  The first is that it will mark four years since my 13 year old son Peyton left this Earth.  It also marks four years since he gave the gift of life, which has helped ease the pain of his death. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him terribly.  The pain of his death can still drop me to my knees and bring on a cascade of tears.  However, whenever I think of him or talk about him, I always talk about the lives that were saved that day.  Despite the tragic nature of his death, he became a hero to eight people that day.

After his death, I wrote to each and every recipient telling you about Peyton. For about the first six months after his death, I checked the mail religiously every day hoping that I would hear from you and be able to tell you about the amazing boy that is now a part of you.  When I didn't hear from you, I became discouraged.  I couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to communicate.  You see so many of those amazing meetings on TV where the families of the recipients meet the donor family and hug, cry, share stories, and become lifelong friends.  That is what I wanted in my time of raw grief.  I needed to know that you were okay, and that Peyton was still alive inside of you.  

It wasn't until June of 2016 that I was finally able to meet David, the recipient of one of Peyton's kidneys.  He told me about the six years he spent on dialysis waiting for a kidney.  He told me that he had all but given up hope that one would be found, and that he was tired of sacrificing his day to day life to dialysis and was ready to take his chances.  That was until he got the call.  He and his daughter rushed from their home in southeast Texas to San Antonio where he received his transplant.  Thirty minutes after transplant, the kidney was producing urine (normally it takes several hours).  David also told me about the times he tried to sit down and write to my family to thank us.  He explained how difficult it was to put into words how grateful he was for the gift of life, because the gift was born out of tragedy.  How do you express your joy at being given a second chance at life when some one has just lost their loved one?  In speaking with another recipient (not from Peyton), and she told me how it took several years to be able to write to her donor's family because of the guilt involved.  Here she was living her life only because someone's child had died.  

Now here we are coming up on four years, and I hope it has been a good four years for you.  I hope that you have been blessed with the natural energy and enthusiasm that Peyton was known for. Maybe you have a new found love for anime, Dr. Who, or video games. Regardless of how you came to get your transplant, know that it was our choice to donate because we wanted something positive to come out of Peyton's death, and that is you.  You are living, walking proof that miracles do happen, and you deserve to live your life to the utmost, so consider today a day of celebration!!!  I want you to live with an unbridled enthusiasm for life, not guilt.  You are alive for a good reason.  You are a symbol of hope for so many others, and I know that Peyton would be proud to play a part in your life. 

Sincerely, and with much love,

David, Peyton's Dad

Author's Note:  When writing this, I wanted to figure out the perfect title. I originally went from Organversary to Transplantaversary, but neither seemed right.  I posted to several transplant groups to find out what recipients call the day they receive dthe gift of life.  There was the liverversary, kidneyversary, heartversary, etc..., but the one that struck me, and that I decided to go with was Rebirthday.  

Four Years Ago Today, My Life Changed Forever

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. - unknown

Four years ago today , Monday, October 8, 2018, my new life began.  It began around five o'clock  in the evening in the coaches parking lot up at College Park High School in The Woodlands, Texas.

The day started like any other.  I was up early to head to the school in order to pick up the shuttle bus for the swim team. From there, I drove to the pool for practice, back to the school for a full day of teaching class, and then back to the pool for another practice.

After the afternoon practice, I headed back to the school to make sure I had everything ready to go for the next day at school. During my preparations, the power point I was using crashed.  Feeling angry and frustrated, thought, "screw it," and headed out.

As I walked out the back doors of the school, I was greeted by a typical south Texas afternoon deluge.  I stood under cover waiting for a break in the weather, but when that didn't happen, once again, "screw it," came to mind, and across the parking lot I went , jamming my thumb on the unlock button of my key fob.  I threw my back pack in the back, jumped into my truck, wiped the rain from my face, and took a deep cleansing breath.  At that moment, I was startled by the strains of "Texas Fight", blaring from my phone.  I fumbled through my pocket to get out my phone, saw it was my ex-wife, and almost let it go to voice mail, and if I had been driving, or had started the engine, perhaps I would have.

When I answered with a tired and semi-annoyed "Hello," All I heard was "David, you need to talk to this officer."  The phone was handed off , and an official voice came on and told me that "Peyton James has hung himself."  At that point, my life changed forever. My 13 year old son had attempted to take his life.

I sat in my truck with tears and snot running down my face, I screamed and yelled until my throat was raw, my cries drowning out the rain drumming on the roof.  I was able to get myself together long enough to call my wife.  We drove through the night to Dell Children's Medical Center in Austin to be by Peyton's side.  We were able to say good bye before he succumbed to his injuries.

Now I sit here, wishing to God I was still the same person I was, wishing Peyton was still here with us, wishing that I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay for college.  But now I'm a different person than I was four years ago.  Instead of wondering how my sweet baby boy became a senior in high school, I am left to wonder when I will get to see him again.  Instead of worrying about him driving, I worry that his sister Emmy will never really know what an incredible kid brother she had.  All I have left are memories and pictures that I share with her so that she never forgets.

So today, as I head out the door to work, I will not treat it like just another day.  A part of me will not pay attention during inservice because I will be trying hard not to dwell on that day four years ago.  I will hold back the tears until I walk out of the building to the coaches parking lot.  I will probably sit in my car and let the tears and snot stream down my face.  I'll give myself time to grieve and compose myself before I head home.  When I get home, I'll hold Emmy tight and tell her about how special Peyton was.