Last week was a bitch. I'm not going to lie and sugar coat anything. The world lost two high profile people to suicide in Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. These were not people that were famous for being famous, but had actually made real contributions to society. Kate Spade was a designer, and like many, worker her way to the top. She had become famous for her handbags, and while I never saw the point of paying $500 for a purse, I can see why some people would. Bourdain became famous when he wrote the book Kitchen Confidential. Ironically, Bourdain never expected to become famous through his book in fact he said "'Kitchen Confidential' wasn't a cautionary or an expose. I wrote it as an entertainment for New York tri-state area line cooks and restaurant lifers, basically; I had no expectation that it would move as far west as Philadelphia.'" It was his acerbic wit that I came to appreciate when he described a Top Chef's broccoli dish as something you might find behind Bob Marley's refrigerator. I enjoyed watching his show as he traveled the world discovering exotic cuisine, as well as the people behind it.
Sadly, both Spade and Bourdain chose to take their lives this past week. Their deaths were the most high profile suicides of 2018, and perhaps the most high profile since Robin Williams in 2014. Like so many other people, I began to read news reports about their deaths. This is where I saw a plethora of poor choices from the media. I understand that journalism has become a cut throat business with the advent of the 24 hour news cycle, and that journalists are having to constantly go above and beyond to get headlines and not be upstaged, but when they chose to report not only that Spade had hanged herself, but that she had used a red scarf on the back of the door, that was a little too much. The same goes for reporting that Bourdain used the belt from his bathrobe. Information like this is not truly necessary, especially specific details about how they died. That is private information that is up to the family to discuss, but in their effort to gain viewers, followers, or readers, reporters will prostitute themselves with lurid details. The other problem I had with the media coverage was the use of the term "committed suicide". Those who have lost some one to suicide, as well as mental health and suicide awareness advocates prefer the term "died by suicide". Aside from the idea that the word "committed" suggests that the person had some sort of criminal intent. Using the preferred term removes the culpability from the person who has lost their life.
Another troubling trend I noticed was the amount of misunderstanding that so many people seem to have in regards to suicide. As I began to look at comments on social media, I was astonished at the number of people that thought that because Spade and Bourdain were considered wealthy and successful, that they could have anything they wanted, and live comfortably, that they wouldn't want to take their own lives. Although being financially secure can provide access to mental health treatment that may not be readily available in lower socioeconomic parts of our society, it doesn't mean that the person is likely to pursue that avenue. In many parts of our society, people may be reluctant to seek treatment because of the stigma attached to mental illness, and even if they do, there is no guarantee that it will work. Spade's husband said that she had sought out professional help, but just like another medical treatment, there is no 100% guarantee of success. When a person sees no hope, or the psychological pain of mental illness becomes too much to bear, then they will do what ever they feel is necessary to make it stop, even if what they do makes no sense to some one that has not travelled down that road. For example, I noticed that people wondered why Spade and Bourdain would take their own lives when they left young children behind. In the mind of some one that is suicidal, they may actually believe that they have become a burden to their loved ones, and have convinced themselves that their children, spouses, their other loved ones, and even the world, would be better off without them. This is why the need to education and understanding is so necessary.
That brings us to the trolls. Not the ones from childhood that lived under a bridge, these are the one's that live in their parent's basement and hide behind false screen names. These trolls will go on social media and make horrific comments about the deceased such as "suicide is for cowards" or "only the weak commit suicide". These trolls love to come into a discussion and stir the pot, an crave the attention that they get whether good or bad. They are the proverbial little man that walks into a bar, starts a fight, and then runs outside to watch. Your anger at their remarks feeds that part of their soul that never fully developed. Their insignificant lives are fulfilled by your wrath as long as they are safely behind a keyboard in a far away place where you can't physically get to them. They think that by causing a rift, that they can some how make up of being picked last in gym class. After my son Peyton's suicide, I saw these trolls flock to stories about him like flies to sh*t. They liked to say how it was my fault that Peyton had taken his life, they said that Peyton was weak and a coward, all the while forgetting that they are hiding behind a keyboard and false identity far, far away. I learned that engaging these dolts only emboldens them, but ignoring them, no matter how great the urge to reply to their idiocy, will eventually cause them to slink away.
Between the deaths of Spade and Bourdain, as well as the recent statistics from the CDC that show a dramatic rise in suicide rates across the United States, perhaps it is time to open our eyes to what is going on, and attack the problem head on. First and foremost is the desperate need for addressing and educating the public about mental health issues (the leading cause of suicide), as well as taking away the stigma attached to those issues. A person's mental health issues can be treated just like any other issue. Just like early intervention with cancer and leukemia can dramatically increase survival rates, so it goes with mental health. We know that if we keep putting off treatment until it reaches the end stage, then survival is much less likely. We can start with the media reporting responsibly and not sensationally. We don't need to know the method of suicide, or what color scarf they used. Each report of a suicide should be followed with information for readers and viewers to access crisis hotlines and other helpful information. We can bridge the misunderstandings that people have about suicide through education and understanding. As for the trolls, they will always be there, lurking in the shadows waiting for the next tragedy, but the more we know, the easier it becomes to ignore them.
That brings us to the trolls. Not the ones from childhood that lived under a bridge, these are the one's that live in their parent's basement and hide behind false screen names. These trolls will go on social media and make horrific comments about the deceased such as "suicide is for cowards" or "only the weak commit suicide". These trolls love to come into a discussion and stir the pot, an crave the attention that they get whether good or bad. They are the proverbial little man that walks into a bar, starts a fight, and then runs outside to watch. Your anger at their remarks feeds that part of their soul that never fully developed. Their insignificant lives are fulfilled by your wrath as long as they are safely behind a keyboard in a far away place where you can't physically get to them. They think that by causing a rift, that they can some how make up of being picked last in gym class. After my son Peyton's suicide, I saw these trolls flock to stories about him like flies to sh*t. They liked to say how it was my fault that Peyton had taken his life, they said that Peyton was weak and a coward, all the while forgetting that they are hiding behind a keyboard and false identity far, far away. I learned that engaging these dolts only emboldens them, but ignoring them, no matter how great the urge to reply to their idiocy, will eventually cause them to slink away.
Between the deaths of Spade and Bourdain, as well as the recent statistics from the CDC that show a dramatic rise in suicide rates across the United States, perhaps it is time to open our eyes to what is going on, and attack the problem head on. First and foremost is the desperate need for addressing and educating the public about mental health issues (the leading cause of suicide), as well as taking away the stigma attached to those issues. A person's mental health issues can be treated just like any other issue. Just like early intervention with cancer and leukemia can dramatically increase survival rates, so it goes with mental health. We know that if we keep putting off treatment until it reaches the end stage, then survival is much less likely. We can start with the media reporting responsibly and not sensationally. We don't need to know the method of suicide, or what color scarf they used. Each report of a suicide should be followed with information for readers and viewers to access crisis hotlines and other helpful information. We can bridge the misunderstandings that people have about suicide through education and understanding. As for the trolls, they will always be there, lurking in the shadows waiting for the next tragedy, but the more we know, the easier it becomes to ignore them.
