Buy Peyton A Pint

Come on down, swing on by
Bring whatever's been on your mind

Locals on tap and bottles on ice
Livin' on feel-good standard time
My card's on the bar, you got nowhere to be
If you don't come through, buddy, that's on you
'Cause the beer's on me
Yeah, the beer's on me- Dierks Bently "Beers On Me"  

Losing a child sucks, and it doesn't matter how you lost them.  There is no scale or ranking as to the level of grief based upon how they died.  There are so many things that suck about it that listing them would take too long.  Everything from holidays, to missed milestones, to those little triggers that may only apply to you all suck.  Even worse, twice a year, those left behind suffer from the two worst gut punches: birthdays and angelverseries.  

   This June 16th, my son Peyton would have turned 21, that magical age when you can purchase guns, cigarettes, and legally drink alcohol.  Many fathers, myself included, look forward to buying their son their first legal drink.  They want to take them to their favorite, tavern, pub, dive bar, ice house, or watering hole, and introduce them to all the regulars, watch them proudly take their unaltered ID out of their wallet, hand it to the bartender, and order the drink of their choice.  

I'll never get to do that as Peyton took his own life at the age of 13. Instead, it will be another missed day in what should have been Peyton's great life.

However, thanks to the same video countdown show where Cody Johnson made me cry, Dierks Bentley, along with Hardy and Breland, gave me an idea.  In their song "Beers On Me", they are driving around in a beer truck, rolling up on various social events, and handing out free beer to happy people.  Now before people get all butt hurt, I know that alcohol can be the root of people's problems and not the solution.  I know in many cases, alcohol causes problems, and can be abused, but that is a different topic for another time.  

I live near Austin, and there are a surprising number of breweries, distilleries, and wineries in the area.  Many of these establishments offer great food, an impressive drink selections, and even have entertainment for the kids.  I love going to these various establishments where I can sit under a tree on a beautiful Central Texas day, listen to live music, eat my fill, and enjoy a cold beer.  I wish I could have taken Peyton to one of these establishments 

The idea is simple and based on the song.  I asked a plethora of the establishments if they would allow me to put out a collection jar where people would be able to "Buy Peyton A Beer".  Any funds collected would go to my non-profit The Peyton Heart Project to help fund out mission to raise awareness of mental health issues and stop suicide, especially among young people.  Thus far, the response has been positive, and I will be putting jars out at several of these establishments along with information about Peyton and The Peyton Heart Project.  

Unfortunately, most of my readers don't liven the Austin area, but they can still honor Peyton on his birthday.  On June 16th, go to your favorite bar, ice house, cantina, watering hole, or brewery and buy a beer for a first responder or medical professional in honor of those that fought so bravely to try and save his life during those fateful days in October so long ago.  Let them know who Peyton was, and how he is still making a difference in the world.  

If you own one of the aforementioned establishments and want to help, please contact me directly at peytons.heart13@gmail.com to see how you can be part of the celebration.  

Will this idea be successful?  I have no clue, but what it will do is give a father a way to celebrate a birthday with a son that left this world far too soon.  

Cody Johnson Made Me Cry

Music is a language that doesn’t speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it’s in the bones, it’s in the bones. – Keith Richards

Music is a powerful force in our lives. There are songs that we use to pump us up before games or workouts, songs that we use to calm ourselves, songs that make us happy, and songs that rip out our still beating hearts and show them to us. In the past I have written about the power of Garth Brooks' The Dance. That song, which we played at my son Peyton's funeral, almost always brings me to tears. Recently I was surprised to discover another song that brings on the water works for me.

For the past few months it has become a Sunday morning routine around our house to watch The Hot 20 Countdown on CMT. Personally, the genre doesn't hold much interest for me, but my wife loves it, so we watch it.  One morning, there was a video by Parker McCollum, a former student of mine, for his song To Be Loved by You. Honestly, I couldn't tell you where it was ranked in the countdown when it started, but each week we tuned in to watch it eventually climb to the coveted number one spot. There were a few other songs I enjoyed, but for the most part, the music was bad pop music with a southern accent (Florida/Georgia Line and Luke Bryan).

A few weeks ago as I was watching, the song 'Til You Can't by Cody Johnson came on. While the song is okay, it was the video that truly had me breaking down. The video is three acts. The first two acts are cliches of country music. Manly men doing manly things in a manly way with other men. In scene one, the manly men are gathered to fish, and in the second, they are gathering to fix up an old car, and in both scenes the crew is waiting on the main character to arrive. Our protagonist is the young, handsome guy that may or may not show up, but ultimately does, and they bond, have fun, and drink beer. The message is simple.  Live in the moment and don't put off those special moments.  

The third scene is the part that rips out my still beating heart and shows it to me. All of the characters from the first two scenes, in addition to their significant others sitting around a picnic table in the back yard eating, drinking, chatting, and having a good time. Suddenly a call comes in and one of the women gets up, crosses the yard to answer her phone. It's obvious through her actions that something is wrong. Her husband gets up and takes the phone and holds his wife as they cut to the other members of the crew with the same expressions on their faces.  All of this plays over the lyrics: 

                  So take that phone call from your momma and just talk away
                  'Cause you'll never know how bad you wanna 'til you can't someday
                  Don't wait on tomorrow 'cause tomorrow may not show
                  Say your sorries, your I-love-yous, 'cause man you never know

The video then cuts to images of the protagonist in happier times while Johnson emotionally belts out the chorus with emphasis :

                  If you got a chance, take it, take it while you got a chance

                  If you got a dream, chase it, 'cause a dream won't chase you back
                  If you're gonna love somebody
                  Hold 'em as long and as strong and as close as you can
                  'Til you can't

This is the part of the song is what brings me to tears.  On October 8, 2014, I was on the receiving end of one of those phone calls.  That was the day I learned that Peyton had hanged himself.  I was sitting in my truck in an empty parking lot in the middle of a driving rain storm when the call came.  The pain was incredible.  I was screaming, yelling, crying, beating on the dash, punching the roof, snot was running out of my nose, and tears were streaming down my face, and I didn't care. Even though he didn't pass for another five days, and I was able to be at his bedside to tell him everything that I wanted to, I can never be sure that he heard me.  

Sadly, I know that tomorrow is not promised.  After Peyton's death, I knew that nothing was certain.  I decided to take chances and go after things I wanted even though there was no guarantee that I would get them. I told people how I felt and what they meant to me, and when my father suffered a massive stroke, I was not only at his bedside telling him all the things that he meant to me, but I didn't look back with regret at the things we could have done, but didn't.  

I am sure that so many of us out there have that one song that can bring us to our knees, the one that makes us pull over into a parking lot until we are able to see clearly again, or the one that has us crying into our coffee on a lazy Sunday morning.  It is a reminder that our time on this planet is finite and fleeting, and it's the same for those around us.  Will I have this chorus tattooed on my shoulder as I did with the refrain of Dylan Thomas' Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, I doubt it. However, this song will give me pause and make me think. After all tomorrow is never promised.  

Author's Note:  On Sunday, April 3, 2022, Til You Can't was the #1 video on CMT.  Congratulations Cody.