"Things just seemed to go too wrong too many times"- Tony Hancock
it happened again. Another young person in our "perfect" community has taken their life.
I received the news last night about this tragic loss, and have processing the news in my head over and over again. I even went so far as to look up the young lady on social media, in part to leave a message of condolence, in part to see if there was a clue as to why, and in part to see "who" this young lady was. I read the posts left by others. They all seemed to say the same thing, that she was the person that went out of their way to make sure others were happy, to comfort others in a time of need, and to be there for her friends when they needed it.
All of this sounds painfully familiar to me. At the tree planting in Peyton's honor at his old school, I heard many of the same things. Kids told about how Peyton had befriended them when they were new, how he had made them laugh when they were sad, or how he had been the only one to stop and help a total stranger in the hallway when she had dropped her books.
Now the community is left to wonder "why?" This is not something that is supposed to happen here. This is something that happens to "other" people. Our community is consistently voted one of the the tops in Texas. We have great schools, parks, greenbelts, stores, shops, restaurants, a waterway, hell, we even have a mall. We are totally self sustaining, Our kids graduate from high school and go off the Ivy league and other top colleges. They come back and get high paying jobs, get married, have kids, and raise the next generation of people that nothing bad ever happens to. How could this happen to "us"?
The answer is actually quite easy, it happens all the time to people around the world. People that are in such gut wrenching emotional pain that the thought of taking their life outweighs their fear of dying. People that are afraid of speaking up about their thoughts and feelings of sadness, anger, and worthlessness because things like that only happen to "other" people in "other" places. People that suffer in silence because they are supposed to project an image of happiness because that is what expected of them.
it made me think of Robin Williams when he said, “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” We realize now, that this was how he felt. Was this how Peyton and this young lady had felt? How many other kids find themselves feeling the same way as they sit in class looking at all the others who have it all together, whose futures are bright and rosy. How many of these people sit in their corner office with the spectacular view wondering where they went wrong. How many of them have lunch with their friends as they talk about their perfect children, and ponder why they don't feel the way they are supposed to.
To the family members that are left behind to wonder, it is not your fault, she didn't do this to hurt you. It will take time, a lot of it, to get over this, and you will never get over it, but you will learn to live with it.
To those that knew her, and those that wish they had, she is at peace, and you need to go on living. It hurts, it sucks, and it will take a while to get over. Cry for her, mourn her, grieve for her, but go on living.
As for the young lady who took her life, I am sorry that you felt that way. I hope that you have found the peace you were looking for. I hope that the pain you lived with is gone. Rest in Peace young lady.